Comfort Levels
by sol113
Summary: Three years since defecting from the Sound Village Tayuya goes about her latest mission (Make Naruto feel better/take his mind off Sasuke) in true Tayuya style- spectacular, angry, violent and foul mouthed!


**COMFORT LEVELS**

**2nd DECEMBER 2012**

**AUTHORS NOTES**

**AU after Sasuke retrieval Arc, takes place after the Sasuke and Sai arc.**

**This fic is a Naruto/Tayuya pairing, Drama/Humor/(kinda) Romance fic.**

**This story is an edited version of a fic on Adultfanfiction dot net, the unedited version can be found via a link on my Authors Page.  
**

**'_This_' means someone is thinking.**

**Italics alone means the name of something, i.e. _Jinchuriki, Katon Jutsu_.**

**Horizontal ruler (a line across the page) means a page break or timeskip, may be a few minutes, may be a few hours...**

**-X- means a scene change, i.e. we start with Sakura in a clearing, then we go to Naruto and Tayuya in the street.**

**Disclaimer; I do not own Naruto or any of the characters or ideas involved. This is non profit-I am making no money from this.**

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**Konohagakure no Sato...**

It was a dark, warm, summer night, in the village hidden in the leaves, its inhabitants; assassins, merchants, torturers and children to name but a few went about their lives...

"FUCKDAMNIT! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR GAY ASS BUTT BUDDY SASUKE!" The foul mouthed leaf Genin (former Sound ninja) Tayuya yelled, frightening and annoying everyone for a square block.

...which included avoiding a certain couple at the recently opened Watsuki family restaurant.

"I'M NOT GAY! I'VE TOLD YOU FIVE TIMES!" Uzumaki Naruto, Genin of Konohagakure no Sato and Jinchuriki of the Kyubi no Kitsune shouted back.

"And I might have believed you if you didn't go straight back to talking to Sasuke; your bond, his rough hair and brown eyes-" "You don't know what you're talking about! His hair is silky and his eyes are black!" Naruto yelled with his fists poised to fight.

"You just proved you've been checking out another guy, jackass!"

"Gaack!" Naruto choked as he realized his mistake.

Tayuya chuckled at Naruto's plight as their food arrived carried by a clearly annoyed waiter.

The restaurant they were in was large and could hold dozens but the wooden floor, furnishings and classic paper lanterns bathing them in gentle yellow light gave it a cosy feeling. Stickers and banners with kanji and what Tayuya thought were barrier and detection seals hidden within decorated the establishment.

As they ate their food (Tayuya went for the grilled fish and vegetables which Naruto thought was weird while he went for the saltiest, most unhealthy and unsophisticated thing on the menu) Tayuya tried to figure out how she got into this fuck fest;

_'Three years ago, after being rescued from the fifty fucking tons of forestry dropped on me by some weasel summoning bitch by Konoha ANBU and healed by that top heavy Hokage, I traded information on Orochimaru and Akatsuki in exchange for protection and a pardon. After spilling my guts I was made an official Leaf Genin complete with shitty Hitai-ate and competitive salary.'_

She stabbed into her fish with her utensils.

_'How much Sake was the head bitch Tsunade drinking that day? Overchested hag did call me Taya after all... then again the suicide seal placed on my fucking neck that the fucking hag can activate at will is a pretty fucking good trust measure...'_

For nearly three years, the Kunoichi had completed countless annoying and demeaning tasks for the thrice damned Leaf village. Now she had the most annoying and demeaning one yet;

**_The mission in the Leaf Village to make Naruto feel better/take his mind off Sasuke!_**

Tayuya suggested they give him cash and point him to a whorehouse, Tsunade grumbled something about how that wouldn't work. So here she was, spending an entire summer day listening to Naruto ramble about Ramen, smile so widely his teeth looked like dominos and obsess over Sasuke. _'No wonder the hag said whores wouldn't work- bastard bats for the other team...'_

After seemingly an eternity of the orange clad ninja infuriating her, Naruto finally said something that actually interested his unhappy companion;

"You can create a hundred solid clones that can physically exert themselves for hours?"

Naruto looked proud of that. "Yeah! They can do all sorts of cool things-" "How physical can they get?" Tayuya demanded.

"Er... they help me generate Rasengan and Rasenshuriken, do wind manip-"

"Do they dispel when they cum?"

"Hmmm, actually I don't think they have a range limit." Naruto responded not understanding Tayuya's meaning.

"I mean can they handle banging a chick... hard?" She asked with a suggestive grin.

"They handle fights well- I use them in every fight I get in..."

Tayuya shuddered in anger, her brown eyes narrowing dangerously. "I mean..." She forced every word out in anger. "Could they last if I roughly screwed the shit out of them?"

Naruto stopped and frowned in clear deep thought; "They can do DIY, I'm pretty good at it. I fix things in my apartment all the time."

Tayuya was so astonished she almost fell out of her chair. "D-D-DIY_?" 'A hot chick talks to him about screwing and he thinks about DIY?'_

"I MEAN SEX YOU IDIOT!" She screamed in his face.

All tables turned to look at them. The only exception to the stunned silence was one person who looked to be choking on her food.

"What the fuck are you looking at! You better go about your fucking business or I'll start busting heads!" Tayuya yelled at the room waving a sauce bottle in fury.

**-X-**

Naruto and Tayuya had left (been kicked out) of the restaurant they had been eating at. The night was young, the stars were bright and the air was warm and full of the smell of flowers. Tayuya, who had developed into a curvaceous, full bodied young woman (or as Mitarashi Anko stated it "An awesome rack and a magnificent ass"), wore a baggy white short sleeved shirt, similar spandex shorts, black hand guards and sandals with her ankles taped as when she served Orochimaru. She no longer wore a hat though and had taken to the habit of keeping her red hair which now reached to her lower back in a pony tail.

"Why do you have to yell and swear and otherwise piss off everyone around you Tayuya-san?" The loud, grating voice of a teenager, who didn't seem to have developed much in the past two years beyond getting taller and wearing a less ridiculous orange jumpsuit, called out.

The redhead looked genuinely upset about this- Naruto noticed there seemed to be differing levels of anger with Tayuya that stood in for normal emotional states like joy, sorrow, etc.

_'I won't be able to eat there again, fuck it, might as well do something new tonight... that idea I had when he mentioned his clones... little too advanced for him at the moment... heh heh...'_ She hid an evil grin.

"Yeah well... I'll make it up to you blondie, follow me." She grabbed Naruto and launched the two of them through the village via _Shunshin._

**-X-**

**Tayuya's apartment**

After several Shunshin transitions, Tayuya stopped outside her apartment. Naruto wasn't sure if he had been in this neighbourhood before and was too queasy from the unexpected successive high-speed movement techniques to recognize it if he had (temporarily vitalizing the body with chakra to move at hyperaccelerated velocity really messed up a person's equilibrium if they weren't ready for it).

"Ugghh... Tayuya... I think I'm gonna..." Naruto groaned and keeled over slightly. Tayuya looked down upon him in distain, questioning what she was planning to do with him.

"Feh! Stomach of a pansy! Come on in and I'll get you some... soothing tea, or whatever." She had no intention of such things but dragged Naruto into her apartment before he could respond.

Naruto had never been in someone else's apartment- it was meticulously clean- he expected it to look like a wreck for some reason. He noticed something else;

"Why the hell is your apartment bigger than mine?"

"I'm a wiser investor than you. This place'll do fine."

"Do for what?" Naruto groused annoyed at the redhead's attitude.

She turned around and grabbed Naruto by the hair and pulled him to her nearly pulling out hairs. Before the shocked blond could do anything about it Tayuya forced her mouth onto his, kissing him hard and fast.

As she kissed him she moved her free hand to his crotch and squeezed quite hard.

Overcoming his shock Naruto pushed her off him, though she was still holding onto his lower regions uncomfortably tight. She grinned at him surprised at the size of the rapidly growing bulge in her hand.

While careful to avoid provoking castration Naruto struggled to get away from the clearly insane girl. "What the hell are you doing?"

"The hag said I had to make help you out with emotions and shit after your mission to bring back your Sas-muffin went tits up. So I'm doing that now."

He continued weakly struggling and Tayuya rolled her eyes knowing she shouldn't force the idiot into this.

The redhead released her deadly grip on Naruto's pants. He could have run- but it wasn't in his nature to do so, instead he watched stunned as Tayuya sauntered away then sat on her kitchen table, one foot on the table giving Naruto a good look of leg, the other on a nearby chair. She leaned back on the table alluringly.

"Sit down and nurse your poor, delicate stomach." She sneered in challenge flicking her left leg at the chair before her.

Naruto just stared at her astonished, slightly bent over due to the throbbing pain in his lower regions.

"Just pretend I'm your Sasuke-chan if it'll help-" "I'M NOT GAY!" He exploded. "Just because I've spent years chasing an effeminate looking guy around... wait that's not... I'm not gay damnit!"

"Prove it dickhead! Sit the fuck down and show me you've got a pair! Unless you're so fucking scared of me that all you can do is run and hide!" She yelled.

"Run and hide? I don't run and hide from Kage level Ninja who hopelessly outmatch me in power, skill, experience, intelligence... err... I don't ever run away!" He yelled with intensity then sat in Tayuya's chair. The redhead actually found it slightly arousing.

It was slightly spoiled by the fact that the orange Ninja sat down with his arms folded in a childlike huff. _'Scratch arousing. Funny? Yeah. Cute? Maybe.'_

_'Wait, what the hell am I doing?'_ He panicked as Tayuya adjusted her position; her legs moved to put her feet on both arms of the chair Naruto sat in- putting the blond in between her athletic legs.

Tayuya sat forward close enough so the trapped Naruto could smell her.

"Wha-what are you doing?"

"This is me apologizing for being the spectacular, awe-inspiring bitch that I am." She smiled savagely and grabbed him by the collar. "Cooperate and find out how spectacular and awe-inspiring this bitch is..." Her tongue lashed out and licked his nose teasingly. Red as a tomato, Naruto turned away from her.

He didn't dare try to shove her away as the volatile Kunoichi nuzzled into the side of his face while her free hand unzipped his top. Tayuya was eager to find out how males last in sex- while she had developed into a stunning young woman, few in Konoha deigned to associate with a former Sound Ninja and the only one she had gotten intimate was the slightly less than sane Mitarashi Anko, who for several months now had been a frequent partner in depraved bedroom escapades with the flutist. Tayuya paused as a brilliant thought occurred to her- a thought so brilliant and inspired she couldn't believe she hadn't thought of it sooner; _'Maybe we could have a threesome...'_

"Wa-wait!" Naruto protested. Angry at being ejected from her fantasy Tayuya grabbed his jacket with both hands and pulled him up from out of his seat face to face- chest to chest with her. She wrapped her legs around his waist, tight as a vice.

"What's the problem fucker? Afraid of somebody with tits?" She pressed herself against him so Naruto could feel her impressive mounds squash against him.

Naruto stuttered and babbled incoherently. Tayuya scoffed and grabbed him by the chin to shut him up.

She spread her legs to allow her to unbuckle and unzip Naruto's absurd orange pants. She blinked surprised at just how large the bulge in the blond idiot's boxers actually was.

_'Fucker's a tripod!'_ She schooled her features and looked up at Naruto mockingly.

"Huh, not bad." She leant back and pulled off her white overshirt. Bright blue eyes widened stupidly as they saw a black sports bra that seemed strained containing perfectly formed and impressively sized breasts (not Tsunade sized but still impressive).

As Naruto gawked at her chest, Tayuya grinned even wider in triumph_. 'Probably thought because I wear baggy clothing that I was as fucking flat as the pink haired bitch he's always sniffing after...'_ Knowing the power she held over him, Tayuya pulled the overworked bra up over her head and tossed it away carelessly revealing her astonishing bare breasts to his view. Naruto's jaw dropped and he stared stupidly at them as Tayuya tore the elastic band that kept her hair in a ponytail out releasing her long red locks.

Tayuya's hand shot out and grabbed Naruto by his mesh undershirt and pulled him down to her; Naruto was now bent over a desk, on top of a half naked redhead who had her legs in the air around his waist.

"You gonna undress me fuckwit or what?" Releasing her leg lock she reached forward and began tearing the stunned male's clothes off. Naruto stood terrified even though Tayuya was the one on her back with her legs in the air. She pulled her skin tight spandex shorts and underwear down her legs. Like a switch turned on, Naruto finally took the initiative and bent over and kissed her.

With Naruto's pants around his ankles and Tayuya's lower garments around her ankles also, the pair grappled on the table- bits of clothing getting in the way as their hands roamed each other's body.

Naruto finally disconnected and pulled Tayuya's annoying shorts the rest of the way off. Amused at the blonds' newfound aggression Tayuya taunted him;

"Oo, you're getting angry! Gonna be using nasty fucking language in a minute?"

**-X-**

**ONE WEEK LATER**

Tsunade (who was no prude) was red and sweating profusely as she put down the report of the ANBU she had tasked with following and observing Naruto and Tayuya over the past week. The paper before her read like the plot from one of her perverse teammates trashy novels. In fact, said pervy teammate was standing in front of the Hokage's desk.

"Why are you here again?" The female Kage asked in annoyance.

"It was I who convinced you to send the Tayuya girl to break Naruto out of his Sasuke funk before it got him killed- or at least notice girls for Kami's sake..."

Two aged heads shook as the question of Naruto's sexuality came up yet again- the fact that he had spent years obsessing over another male while not even trying to pursue any kind of relationship with a girl despite Jiraiya's not so subtle attempts to introduce the boy to the fairer sex and him having a weirdly large number of female admirers (a number that had been growing since returning from a classified training trip with one of Konoha's most powerful ninja) raised continuing uncertainty about Naruto's sexual leanings.

_'That question has been answered at least. According to this he's straight- or maybe bi... I just hope he doesn't get hurt by this...'_

"Leave. Now." Tsunade commanded in her "I'm one step from punching you across the room" voice. The Toad Sage scowled childishly and vanished in a puff of smoke.

Tsunade took a deep breath hoping her surrogate little brother didn't end up being hurt by her meddling or Tayuya's appetites.

_'Where was I? Oh yes Day three...'_ She picked up the paper and began reading the beautiful writing of the ever professional and sexually repressed Uzuki Yugao;

_'She measures how long they have sex right down to the second- "Uzumaki-san and Tayuya-san had sexual intercourse in the field of training ground forty-six for five hours, seventeen minutes and twenty two seconds and had approximately...'_

"Twenty one orgasms?! How is that physically possible? And how dysfunctional is Uzuki to measure the time so exactly?! And to name each sexual position they used."

"Hmm, surprised a kid knows that one, I didn't hear about it until I was twenty seven."

Tsunade's head spun round to see the Toad Sage looking over her shoulder at the highly inappropriate report.

"JIRAIYA!"

**END  
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**AUTHORS NOTES**

In canon Naruto shows seemingly unstoppable determination until he comes across someone he considers a friend or a girl then he becomes submissive or delusional.

If you think I'm bashing Naruto consider how often he nearly kills himself because of his stupid promise or how unnatural his obsession with Sasuke or anyone else he considers a precious person is. Also, I, like most people was disappointed with his non-progression after returning from the training trip.

I consider Naruto a masochist given how much crap he puts up with from girls like Sakura and the Sasuke fangirls early in the series, even later he is pretty pathetic around Sakura.


End file.
